Judicium
by Saya Moonshadow
Summary: As long as she remembers him, he exists. But if she forgets, then he will fade away into nothing at all. ZaktanHahli, JallerHahli oneshot. Honorable Mentions in BZP's 5th Short Story Contest.


**Yeah, BZPower Short Story Contest 5 entry...thingamabobber. This plot bunny refused to get the heck out of my life, so here it is, in story form. Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: ...why do I even bother with this anymore?**

**Summary: As long as she remembers him, he exists. But if she forgets, then he will fade away into nothing at all.**

**Pairing: Zaktan/Hahli, so sorry if that's not your thing.**

**Judicium  
By: Saya Moonshadow**

_Judicium - (n.) Decision (Latin)_

Hahli had always hated prisons, and her current situation did nothing to convince her to do otherwise. She was imprisoned, although not in the traditional sense. Maybe. She wasn't quite sure how to describe it.

They'd lost. Makuta Teridax was the ultimate winner of the millennia-long war that had been waged, and there was nothing she, one lone Toa of Water, could do about it.

To her shame, she didn't WANT to do anything about it. It was a silent killer, the guilt she felt over it, and it made her lethargic, unable to communicate with others properly, to the point where she spent nearly all her time in her room.

Years passed, and nothing changed.

X x X

Sometimes a name she had once known would pop up in her mind, and she would remember red eyes and a grin that really resembled a sneer more than a grin. She always had to smile at the memories - as she'd predicted, he'd gotten what was coming to him. Such a misguided fool. It had taken the strongest and slyest of the Makuta to bring their universe to its knees; what power did one Skakdi wield that could even come CLOSE to that?

He couldn't, she told herself, and rolled over on her bed to stare at the ceiling and get back to counting the marks in it. Monsters never win, and Teridax, despite all his shortcomings, was anything but a monster.

"_I am not a monster."_

She stiffened up a bit when she heard that voice, but eventually shrugged it off, as she always did. It always seemed to pop up whenever she would think of HIM, and at first, she had been quite convinced that all the sitting and moping in her room just might have driven her mad.

But it never persisted once she stopped thinking of HIM...so she thought nothing of it.

It ashamed her to admit, even if it was just to herself, that that voice made her shiver, but not with fear. It was excitement that made her shiver when she heard it, and she regretted this fact most bitterly.

Sometimes she entertained thoughts of what might have happened if he had, Mata Nui forbid, decided to somehow redeem himself and joined their side. They might have won against Teridax, she decided; after all, HE was a strong force when he put his mind to it.

_A green knight,_ she thought to herself. _A green knight that shines and whose eyes could strike fear into the hearts of all, good or evil._

"_I'm glad you finally had a proper thought about me,"_ the imaginary voice said dryly, making her roll her eyes. _"But I'm anything but noble."_

"Technicalities," she whispered, and he chuckled.

For an instant, she could picture him before her, sitting cross-legged on the air and smirking at her in that oh-so-familiar way that both excited and confused her.

"_Why do you never acknowledge my presence?"_ he asked, and although she was sure it was all in her mind, she answered him.

"Because you're not real. You don't exist anywhere except in my head."

There was a frown from her imaginary companion, giving her the strangest urge to say something that would console him. _"Don't say that. If you think like that, then you'll start to forget about me. Don't you dare ever forget about me."_

She knew the answer to her next question, but asked it anyway. "Why?"

As he spoke, she whispered along with him. _"When someone is forgotten, they cease to exist. I don't want to disappear like that."_

She smiled in an attempt to placate him and saw him smiling back. "I'll do my best."

He became a little more real to her after that, until she could almost really believe that he was there, always watching her, no matter what she did.

X x X

He hadn't been able to fathom the thought of dying, but when it finally happened, he was unable to feel anything other than a strange sort of resignation about it. So he was dead. Hadn't he spent every day of his time in the mines on Zakaz wishing for this?

He had. But that was in the past...WAY in the past. So distant he almost didn't remember it. He found it difficult to remember a great many things of his life, excluding the moments leading up to his death.

And...one more thing.

The Toa Inika of Water had surprised and angered him with her raw determination to put a stop to him and his actions, and he had marveled at the strength exuding from her. Few beings had the power to surprise him, and she was one of them.

He had heard her laughing once, clear, loud, and happy, and that memory for some reason had been on his mind as Teridax killed him. Perhaps that was why, when he found he was conscious again, he had somehow ended up in her home.

Had the Great Spirit taken some bizarre form of pity on him and put his soul in the one place he was sure to find some sort of comfort? Or was it a punishment, being bound to the home of someone who had a good, legitimate reason to hate and try to forget him?

He felt a little piece of him going every day, and he knew it was because he was slowly being forgotten. This angered him. Being forgotten was for those who had never done anything with their lives, not for those who had survived the Shadowed One's eyebeams or who had done any of the things he had accomplished in his lifetime.

She thought of him often, he found to his amusement. Why was anybody's guess, and he never chose to truly reveal himself to her, only making comments when he felt the time was appropriate. If she showed signs of forgetting him as well...he didn't know what he'd do.

If he showed himself to her and she refused to believe in him and merely thought he was just a figment of her imagination...he'd fade.

Fading was worse than being condemned to becoming a ghost. Ghosts were bound to one place for the rest of eternity (or until they were completely forgotten), but fading was...eternal nothingness. Entropy, if you will. The ultimate Death.

Zaktan was ashamed to say that the prospect of fading scared him deeper than even his encounter with Irnaak had.

Eventually, he found himself wondering why she never acknowledged him, even when he DID talk. Did she not hear him? If that was the case, why had she not forgotten him as everyone else had done?

Although he knew she still didn't quite believe in him when he finally chose to have a real conversation with her, she believed in him enough that he didn't automatically fade away.

He was safe. He wouldn't fade, and she wouldn't forget him. She'd promised, and if there was one thing he'd learned in his long life, it was that Toa didn't break promises.

X x X

"Why are you here, Zaktan?"

"_I don't know. When I died, I came here. I don't know how or why it happened. It just did."_

"I see..."

"_Is that a problem for you?"_

"No...no, I don't mind..."

"_You do not give off the aura of one who does not mind having a ghost inhabit their room with them."_

"I just...wish I knew why you were here."

"_I don't know."_

"...Zaktan?"

"_What?"_

"If you were real...that is, if you could leave and go somewhere else...would you?"

"_..."_

"Zaktan?"

"_...no, I would not."_

"Why?"

"_I just wouldn't. You remember me. You keep me...alive, for lack of a better word. I don't want to disappear."_

"I see..."

X x X

"_Then say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me..."_

X x X

It became a ritual. Something - like the greenish tint of the churning ocean outside of her window - would remind her of him, and suddenly he would just begin talking. She didn't mind, though. Thinking of him was fine and all, but there was really nothing to substitute for the real thing.

Not even, she reminded herself, his _ghost._

She often found that when she thought of him, her mind also shifted towards another person, one whom she'd harbored feelings for. Although she rarely saw Jaller anymore these days, as he was busy trying to care for Metru Nui and she was busy...well, being a hermit and keeping Zaktan real, she still remembered him fondly and treasured the times when he could find a moment or two to come visit her.

"_You are quiet today."_ Zaktan said. _"Why?"_

She smiled. "Just thinking about someone for a minute."

He ventured forward a little. _"Of me?"_ It bothered him just how much he hoped and expected that this was the case.

"No." She shook her head, surprising him. "I was thinking about Jaller."

He was silent at this, and for a moment she wondered if she'd offended him. But then she forgot all about that at the knock on her door and eagerly went to answer it. As expected, it was Jaller, and he was carrying a blooming water lily.

She greeted him more enthusiastically than she had in ages, and though his greeting was more subdued, she knew he was happy to see her as well. He managed to convince her to come out and do something with him that day, and it was with a small spring in her step that Hahli went out into the early morning sunshine.

Something was nagging at the back of her mind, but she quickly dismissed it as nothing important.

Back in her hut, Zaktan's form became a little more transparent.

X x X

_She rarely thinks of me anymore._

_**That is fine. We don't need her anyway.**_

_But she said she would remember me. She keeps me...keeps me existing._

_**Were you about to say "alive"? We're not alive anymore, and it's no one's fault other than yours. We're dead, and the only one who even remembers we existed is her.**_

_...but even she is beginning to forget me._

_**Then accept our fate and vanish. All our problems stem from the fact that nothing was ever good enough for you. Not the mines, not the Dark Hunters, not even owning and ruling Voya Nui. Something was always missing. You always had to have more.**_

_I never knew what I was missing. That's why I was always searching. I just wanted to find it so that the longing would stop..._

_**And look where it got us. When we disappear forever, it'll be all your fault.**_

_..._

_**Go ahead and ignore me. But you know that what I'm saying is true. Consider yourself fulfilled. You brought about your own ultimate ending. Congratulations.**_

X x X

"_And this is how it hurts  
When I pretend I don't feel any pain  
And this is how I disappear  
When I throw myself away."_

X x X

When Hahli finally returned, the suns were rising again. She'd been out all night, running around with Jaller, catching up with everything, and having fun for the first time in years. She hadn't had that much fun since...since before Teridax had taken over.

She'd visited the memorial that had been set up for Matoro and cried for it, but also for something else that she would never admit to. At least, not to anyone else but herself. And when her tears were spent, she smiled shakily, got up, and accepted the hand Jaller offered her.

Happiness suffused her entire being. The cold melancholy cloud was beginning to lift. Well, it had already begun, she reminded herself. But now it was REALLY lifting. All the agoraphobia was seeming to vanish. Before, she had been honestly terrified of going out into the crowds again, fearing what they thought of her and her failure to save the planet, but now she was rejuvenated.

"I'm home!" she sang as she walked in, then stopped. Why had she...? There was no one waiting...oh, right, there WAS.

"Zaktan?" Hahli glanced back and forth, looking for the flash of green that heralded his appearance, but saw nothing. "Zaktan? Are you there?"

"_I'm always here."_ his voice came dryly from above her, and she smiled as she tilted her head to see him.

But he wasn't there.

"Zaktan? Where are you?"

"_Right here, where I always am. Why? Miss me that much? I would say I'm touched, but that would be a lie."_

She blushed and bristled a little bit. "No, just wondering why I can't see you, is all."

His voice, when it came again, was quiet and filled with a strange anxiety that she could not quite place. _"You can't see me?"_

"No." she replied, then stopped. "Wait, is that a bad thing?"

Again, he took a long time to answer, and when he did, his voice was oddly emotionless. _"...no. It is of no consequence. Perhaps you are simply tired from your long day - and night - of catching up with...your friend."_

Hahli smiled tiredly. "That's probably it. I'm going to go to sleep now."

Zaktan didn't answer her, although she didn't really expect him to, for some reason. Instead of dwelling upon it, she simply lay down on her bed, pulled the covers up over her head, and closed her eyes. She was asleep almost instantly.

Floating above her, as he always did, the green Skakdi held his hands out and observed them closely. Even as he watched, they became a little more transparent.

X x X

"_Why do you never speak to me anymore?"_

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"_You rarely think of me anymore...and your conversation grows less and less as time goes by. You still can't see me, can you?"_

"Umph...look, can it wait till morning at least? I've been out fighting Rahi all night and I'm tired."

"_If you insist. Just..."_

"Just what?"

"_Make sure you don't forget me. I don't want to disappear."_

"I'm not going to forget you, alright? Stop worrying about it so much."

"_...do you even remember my name?"_

"Of course I do. It's Z...Zaktan. Zaktan. How could I forget it? You DID try to kill me, after all."

"_And yet you are the only thing that remembers me enough to keep me in existence."_

"I'm just gonna go to bed now, alright? We can talk about this in the morning."

"_...alright."_

Morning came, and she said not a word to him.

X x X

"_Forfeit everything  
Because you were never strong enough  
Close my eyes again  
And pray that I will not give up."_

X x X

She had almost forgotten his name.

She had stuttered over it when he asked her if she remembered his name.

Each day he was becoming less and less real, and he knew that if something wasn't done, the day would soon come that he faded away completely.

The answer was simple: figure out a way to drive her and Jaller Mahri apart. Yet, it wasn't that simple. She was HAPPY when she was around the Toa Mahri of Fire, and seeing that happiness uplifted him a little. Besides, how could he drive them apart? He was little more than a vision that only Hahli could see. Intangible. Even if he had wanted to, he wouldn't have been able to do anything.

He found, to his dismay, that when she smiled, HE smiled, no matter what had caused it in the first place. Seeing her happy was enough to make him smile, even as he grew less and less real each day.

If she forgot his name, then he'd vanish, he knew. He just wondered how long he had until then.

X x X

_**What's wrong? Why are you struggling so much?**_

_It's getting hard to think..._

_**Are we fading already?**_

_She's forgetting me...I can't keep existing like this..._

_**If she forgets our name then we fade...right?**_

_Yes..._

_**And yet we can still do nothing about it?**_

_I...I don't want to vanish...I..._

_**What? You what? What is our fixation on her? Why did we appear before HER? Why not the other Piraka? They knew us better than she did.**_

_...she was what was missing...she was what I was looking for all those years...that's why..._

_**She can't have been. We don't need her, we don't need anyone. If she can forget us so easily, what is she other than worthless trash?**_

_I looked for so long...and now I've found it right as I'm dying for real...how ironic..._

X x X

"_And I don't know what isn't real  
But it's easy to beat me  
Suck it up  
Life is sink or swim  
Love is blinding, no surviving."_

X x X

"_Hahli?"_

"What?" She looked up from the report she was writing. "Who's there-- oh, it's just you. What's wrong?"

"_...nothing. What are you doing?"_ The voice was still disembodied, but she was used to it by now. She hadn't been able to see him for...well, almost five months now. Had it really been that long? She could barely remember what he looked like anymore, although the color green remained rooted firmly in her mind.

But now his voice seemed...weaker than before. It was probably nothing, she decided, and brushed it off.

"Writing this report for Turaga Dume. It's nothing special, really - just something to keep me busy till Teridax can be taken down." she answered, looking down at her paper with a critical eye.

"_Oh."_ He nodded, although she couldn't see him. _"You have...been busy then..."_

"Yup." Hahli smiled in the direction she thought he might be standing in, and he felt himself begin to smile as well.

"_That is...good..."_

She frowned in the same direction. "What's the matter with you? You're talking kind of funny."

The reply was long in coming, and when it finally came, his voice had a strain to it - as if he were trying to be loud, and knew he was failing miserably at the task despite his best efforts.

"_It is nothing. Nothing to be...concerned with. I am alright."_

"OK." And she turned back to her paper, never noticing the weary red eyes that watched her almost...softly.

X x X

_I'm dying..._

_**We're already dead, moron. Which was still your fault, by the way. As is this. Why didn't you try to separate them? It would have saved us. We wouldn't be fading right now if you had!**_

_She...she's happy when she's with him. I...I can't take that place..._

_**Am I hearing things right? You actually care for her happiness? Why would you do such a foolish thing? She's the one who broke her promise, who, even as we speak, is forgetting us more and more, letting us fade into nothing! And you can't even find it in you to try to stop that?**_

_If she is happy...then I am happy...I...have done enough..._

_**You're a fool. A stupid fool is all you are, and is all you've ever been, all your whole life. She doesn't care whether we fade or not, so why should you care for her feelings? What makes her so special out of every other Toa we've met or killed that you can't even bring yourself to keep existing because doing so would hurt her chances at meager HAPPINESS?**_

_I...I don't know...I can't tell you. She just is..._

_**She stopped talking to us last week. She barely remembers we're there most of the time, and the only reason she still does is because of the stupid color of the ocean. And once even that is gone, we fade. You're so weak you can't even form a coherent sentence. And you still dare to believe she was what you were looking for all that time? You were looking for the person who would cause your ultimate doom?**_

_...yes...it would appear so..._

_**Then you're a fool and you deserve this.**_

_I know I do...but she is happy and so am I. I don't care what you think...if she's happy then that's all that--_

And then, nothingness.

X x X

"_We have to succumb to  
The feelings we can never face  
I need you  
I breathe you  
I can't go through this all again  
We have to succumb to  
The feelings we can never face  
I need you  
I breathe you  
I can't go through this..."_

X x X

She was forgetting something, Hahli knew, but what was it? Something nagged at the back of her mind literally all day, and she was unable to concentrate because on her task because of it.

As a result, Jaller and Hewkii ended up doing most of the work and were rather disgruntled with her as the day came to a close, although they tried not to show it. Hewkii's goodbye was rather stiff, although Jaller's was anything but - he hugged her as he always did, and offered to walk her home.

Still being bugged by that nagging feeling, she smiled and refused the offer, saying she'd be alright. But thanks, anyway.

Jaller hugged her one last time and left for his own home.

What was the problem, she wondered as she made her way home. Ran rather than made, really. The sooner she got home, the sooner she'd get to the bottom of this mystery. And so she ran as fast as she could.

The room was dark as she stepped into it, and she activated the lightstone on the wall, looking around almost desperately.

Nothing.

The flash of the moon on the ocean caught her eye, and she turned to face the window, staring out at it and frowning as a wave of nostalgia crashed over her. Green coloring, a three-pronged blade, red eyes, a cool glare, what--?

"Za--" she stopped, confused. She couldn't remember what she had been just about to say. A name...a name for a face that she couldn't really remember.

Well, if she couldn't remember it, then it couldn't have been all that important anyway, she decided, and sat down on her bed to stare out the window at the sea.

Every night after that, she would stare out at the churning ocean and smile as a flash of green ran across her sight for a split second, although she hardly knew why.

X x X

"_So if you love me, let me go  
And run away before I know  
My heart is just too dark to care  
I can't destroy what isn't there  
Deliver me unto my fate  
If I'm alone, I cannot hate  
I don't deserve to have you...  
My smile was taken long ago  
If I can change, I hope I never know."_

X x X

**END.**

X x X

**AN: ...was that any good? Yes? No? I had this written a while ago, but the site was acting weird and wouldn't let me sign in or anything until just now D: Sadness. Did anyone else have that problem, or was it just me?**

**But, I do hope you enjoyed this story. I haven't written Zaktan/Hahli in a LONG time, despite the fact that they're one of my favorite pairings. Don't know why, but I love them together. Can't see it really working out, but hey XD**

**Please review and tell me what you think!**


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